23 February 2008
Four men were being interviewed for a job.The interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'The first man replied, 'A thought. It pops into your head, there's no forewarning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.''That's very good,' replied the interviewer.'And now you, sir,' he asked the second man.'Hmmm, let me see..... a blink!,' said the second man. 'It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.''Excellent!', said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to thethird man who was contemplating his reply.'Well, out on my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall there is a light switch. When you flip that switch, way across the paddock the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of.'The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light.', he said.Turning to the fourth man, an Australian, he posed the same question.'After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me the fastest thing known is diarrhoea,' said the Aussie.'What!' said the interviewer, stunned by the response?'Oh, I can explain,' said the Aussie, 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could, think, blink, or turn on the light, I sh * t my pants.'He got the job!!
work stuff :)
1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.INSTEAD OF: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?
2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch.
3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.
5) TRY SAYING: Really?INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.
6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.
7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.INSTEAD OF: Not my f*cking problem, mate.
8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?
9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within thegiven timescale.INSTEAD OF: No f*cking chance mate.
10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.
12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.
13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.
1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.INSTEAD OF: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?
2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch.
3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.
5) TRY SAYING: Really?INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.
6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.
7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.INSTEAD OF: Not my f*cking problem, mate.
8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?
9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within thegiven timescale.INSTEAD OF: No f*cking chance mate.
10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.
12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.
13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.
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